We've Been Married How Long?

On April 18, 1998 at 6 pm, Tim and I got married at Wente Vineyards in Livermore, California. We had 150 guests, friends and family from Massachusetts and Southern California flew in for our special day. It was definitely one of the most memorable moments in my life.

Time sure goes by fast when you're having fun. Tim and I can't believe it will be 10 years next year unless, of course, we look at Amber who's now 8 years old. If someone asks me what is our secret for staying strong and having a good relationship, then I would have to sit down with them. It is not just 'one' thing, it's a combination of 'a lot' of things.

First and foremost is respect. We both respect each other in feelings and in thoughts. We don't talk to the other in a condescending tone. We value and hear what the other have to say, we might not agree with it but we listen. Next is compromise. Pride doesn't have a place in our relationship, we both threw it out the window when we said our 'I Dos'. Compromise is one of the hardest thing to do, we're all human and we all want to get our way. To make a marriage work, you need to find a middle ground on things that you don't agree on.

We didn't live together before getting married so when we moved in after our marriage, we both have to learn to live with each other's habits and quirks. I'm the organized person and he could care less about it. I had to admit that it drove me crazy at first but I never nagged him about it since it wouldn't do any good. He's a procrastinator, big time, while I'm the opposite. So, if there's anything needed to be done and I can do it, I don't wait for him, I do it myself. I'm sure being a perfectionist, I drove him crazy a couple of times although I'm much less of it now, by choice.

Another key ingredient in marriage is communication. I know that Tim is not a 'mind reader' so when there is something that's bothering me, I tell him straight up. I may not like what his response is going to be but at least the problem is out in the open ane he's not caught unawares. There is nothing more frustrating than being upset and your husband knows your upset but has no clue why. Don't expect him to know why you're distressed unless the reason is pretty obvious. Tell him why you're feeling what you're feeling.

We know that we can't change the other person. That's one of the biggest mistake a married person can make, they try to change the other person. I know that he's a procrastinator, so I try to work ways around it. If I need something to be done, then I ask him days in advance which would give him some time to dilly dally and by the time I need it, he's already finished with the work. I have my own way to load the dishwasher, the spoons and forks has to be a certain way, as well as the other things. So when I see him load it wrong, do I say anything? No, I keep my mouth shut, I just fix it afterwards. I don't see the point of calling him on it, it's such a small matter that doesn't even needed to be argued upon.

Which leads us to another: choose your battles. Couples who argue too much do so just because. Why waste your time arguing about small things? You'll both feel bad afterwards and for what, just because he bought the wrong brand of soap? You have to learn when to let go and not stir the pot. Do not 'nitpick' or overly criticize. Remember that you're not perfect either.